Poseidon



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Review #121 of 365
Film: Poseidon [PG-13] 98 minutes
WIP™ Scale: $6.50
Where Viewed: AMC Loews Meridian 16, Seattle, WA
When 1st Seen: 12 May 2006
Time: 8:00 p.m.
Review Dedicated to: Chris “Mighty Duck” M. of Chicago, IL

Fergie - Music from the Motion Picture Poseidon
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Well, I’m not exactly sure who got the idea that it was time to remake the now cult classic, The Poseidon Adventure based on the original novel by Paul Gallico, but I am sad to say, one film was probably enough. I have written before on the topic of remakes and sequels fairly extensively, so I’ll just boil it down to this principle—don’t remake a movie without a very good reason. I have no idea what the reason to remake this film was—the first only achieved cult status because a bunch of well-known but semi-retired stars took roles in the film (guess 1972 was a slow year for them). That cast included Gene Hackman, Ernest Borgnine, Red Buttons, Carol Lynley, Roddy McDowall, Jack Albertson, Pamela Sue Martin, and the indomitable Shelley Winters. So, it brought out fans that either really wanted to see these stars go down with the ship or rise above it. Plus, though historically I’m not sure why, disaster movies were all the rage at the time. Each movie was more disastrous than the next. They all ran along the same basic plot. Some people say things and do things that foreshadow disaster, disaster strikes, and mostly everyone except the foreshadowers is killed in or by the disaster. This formulaic plot was used over and over and over again and still crops up now and then with films like The Day After Tomorrow. Given that historically, the times we live in would seemingly be less conducive to people being desirous of disaster films, it is all the more perplexing why this movie would be made and at a cost of around $160 million no less. I would place it at quite a gamble that it will recoup half that in domestic box office. Here’s why…

Poseidon starts off like a bad episode of the 1970s dramedy “The Love Boat” and ends like her 1970s slightly darker cousin “Fantasy Island”. A new luxury liner dubbed Poseidon sets off on her maiden voyage from London to New York City on New Year’s Eve. Shortly after midnight and shortly after all of the main characters have done their requisite foreshadowing to signal to us they are supposed to survive--the worst one of these was the creepy, scoundrel, lounge lizard, leisure suit, Lucky Larry played by Kevin “younger and not quite as good an actor as his brother, Matt” Dillon, the ship gets hit by a rogue wave that tips it over so it is ‘resting’—after a cataclysmic upheaval—bottom’s up. Richard Dreyfus, Kurt Russell, and Josh (Glory Road) Lucas play the male leads who risk it all to save the rest of their chosen small band of travelers which assembles under the inspiration of Dylan Johns (Mr. Lucas) to face the seemingly insurmountable odds of surviving.
"Poseidon starts off like a bad episode of the...'The Love Boat' and ends like an episode of her 1970s slightly darker cousin 'Fantasy Island'."
So, rather quickly, the cheesy dialog and sappy situation “Love Boat” episode turns from happy cruise to “Fantasy Island”-esque macabre nightmare with charred bodies floating about. This shift, thankfully, also causes the seriousness of the film, dialog, and acting to take a step for the better. Prior to that, it had been nearly impossible to take seriously or listen to. Even so, and this is the case with nearly all disaster movies, as the movie wears on, it will become more and more probable, some people in the chosen group are not going to make it which can cause some cheering if the character that bites the dust is incredibly annoying or tears if the person is heroic and beloved. Moreover, it will be noticeable that just as any progress is made, a new mini-disaster will occur to seemingly set the survivors two steps back. The net result is a smaller and smaller group of people to survive. In this case, the group is, at the mercy of Dylan's ship knowledge, racing to get to the bottom of the ship which is now on top so they can swim out the propeller tubes. Of course, nowhere along the way does any one of them consider what they will do once outside the ship? Swim to shore? Pray for excellent flotsam?

Well, I know, I’m being pretty picky and hard on this film—such is the case with remakes and sequels—they are holding up a sign that says, “Make me”, and it’s just too tempting to sock the bully right in the stomach and watch him fall flat on his face, cry, and run away. Honestly, the acting is ok, the script goes from laughable to ok, the special effects are mostly very good but boring in light of the spectacular job of effects in Titanic. Still, there really is no point to the film and definitely no reason to remake it. This isn’t a film about the strength of the human will to survive. If it had been, there were a lot of ways to make that come through. Instead, it is more about how to escape a sinking ship, literally. The simple reality is that we really don’t know enough about any of the characters to care much whether they survive or not, and one particularly ugly, classist if not racist part of the film in which Robert Ramsay, Kurt Russell's character, offers a ship waiter three times his annual salary for serving as their guide to the level of the ship where he believes his daughter and boyfriend are located only to then proceed to call him “Map” and then later throw him to the dogs (hmm, guess he no longer has to make good on his promise to pay that salary after all), ruined any chance for me to believe he was a good person in there somewhere despite later acts of heroism on his part. Without credible characters we can care about, there’s really not much reason to even watch what happens other than murky rubber-neck syndrome where the human nature in us wants to look and see what happens to people in a car accident. Harsh or not, I was glad the ship sank at the end. Maybe this time it will stay under for good and no one will feel the need to resurrect this junker in the future.
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1 comment:

Reel Fanatic said...

I think you're being awfully generous by saying there was probably no reason to remake this .. there was definitely no reason ... It was just full of wooden dialogue throughout, and their quest to reach the surface was just excruciatingly boring for long stretches

18 May, 2006 13:36

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