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Spoiler Points for Mr. Woodcock (2007) [PG-13] 87 minutes
WIP™ Scale: $6.75
Film's Official Website • Film's Trailer
Click to read the non-spoiler review
Mr. Woodcock spoilers? What's there to tell, watch the trailer and you'll see all the funny parts. Well, except one. More on that in a bit.
Ok, well, hmm.
Mr. Woodcock's first name is Jasper.
After discovering that Mr. Woodcock (Billy Bob Thornton)—the 'evil' gym teacher from his middle school P.E. days—John Farley (Seann William Scott)—now a best-selling author of a self-help book about letting go of your past—steps up to the plate to take the 'old' man down and save his mom, Beverly (Susan Sarandon) from the biggest mistake of her life.
He enlists the help of former gym class pal, Nedderman (Ethan Suplee) and Nedderman's Brother (Jacob Davich) to help him get the dirt on Woodcock after a day of attempting to bond and utilize the tenets of his book (which Nedderman keeps quoting him) fail to get the desired results. Unfortunately, the dirt they find or create all backfires on him, and the town remains decidedly unconvinced that Mr. Woodcock is the abusive creep in gym class that both Nedderman and John Farley remember. It's not until the award night where Woodcock wins the educator of the year and John gets the Corn Cob Key to the City, that a scuffle between the men shows Beverly his true colors—though she sort of still blames her son. [Why John didn't just video tab the gym class and show it to his mom and the school board who knows? Mr. Woodcock probably would have given his full consent to be on tape because, as far as he's concerned, he's a master teacher.] Upon reflection, John decided that his mother's happiness is of the utter most importance to him, and that if she wants Mr. Woodcock, then he shouldn't stand in the way. So, he begins a new strategy to try to get Woodcock to strive again for his mother's hand after she gave him back her engagement ring out of disgust over his behavior. This new alliance between the two seems out of character more for John than Woodcock whose only motivations stem, apparently, from satisfying himself with a woman.
So, the only funny part not in the trailer, and it's embarrassing to think how hard the scene can make a you laugh, occurs when John is pushing Woodcock on a gurney from the hospital through the streets of town to catch up with his mother's float in the Cornival Parade (yes, Cornival—corn carnival*). Just as they are getting close, he hits the only pothole in the city flipping the gurney over and slamming Mr. Woodcock face-first into the pavement. Actually, I admit, I did laugh out loud for about three minutes when this happened as did the other four people in the theatre. Why? Well, I don't normally like this sort of pointless physical comedy. I was not a Three Stooges fan. Maybe it was because his character deserved it. Maybe it was because I hadn't seen it 30 times before in trailers. Maybe it was because I had wanted to cry for the past 75 or so minutes about how bad this movie was, and the line between laughter and crying is so thin? Who knows.
So, the film ends with Beverly and Mr. Woodcock married, and John home for Christmas now the successful author of another book based on his new Woodcock experiences. Meanwhile, Mr. Woodcock tells him that he finally read his book. He thought the eye for an eye part was good, but the rest was crap. He then tossed the book into the fireplace causing John's blood to boil again. Of course, the final blow comes from the announcement that John's going to be a big brother as one of Woodcock's little swimmers reached its target. Egad.
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* It's unclear if this is real or a joke, but the University of Victoria's Independent Newspaper, The Martlet mentions the existence of Cornival as traditional event on their school's campus which, "…features free corn, a barbecue, music and 'inflatable games.'" (see source). Just so you know.
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