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Spoiler Points for The Heartbreak Kid (2007) [R] 115 minutes
WIP™ Scale: $6.00
Film's Official Website • Film's Trailer
Click to read the non-spoiler review
Click to See Photos and Video Coverage from the Premiere of Heartbreak Kid
All that's Wrong with Lila - AND - Why you should stay through the credits!
• She allowed her ex-boyfriend to steal her purse in broad daylight, right in front of Eddie, but never told him that he their was her ex, or that he stole her purse to get his wallet back.
• She uses the threat of relocation of her voluntary environmentalist research 'job' which isn't a 'job' to lure Eddie into marrying her while failing to mention her debt due to a former drug addiction which caused her deviated septum which also, despite her claims, causes her to snore like a bear.
• She sings along with the car radio no matter what station, no matter what era or genre; she's a human jukebox.
• She isn't as smart as she seems. She thinks mineral oil on the skin in Mexico is a good way to get a tan. Later she claims she was just doing it to try to prove Eddie wrong about her needing sunscreen??? Right. Then, later, she actually believes that Eddie has a meeting with the Patagonia representatives in Mexico and isn't cheating on her with another woman???? Right.
• She apparently cannot be satisfied sexually except by four-legged beasts of burden—yes you have to stay to see the credits to find this out. (Likewise, it turns out that Eddie's bunkmate back at camp with a deviated septum also had a cocaine-snorting problem, again after the credits.)
• She has an unmentionable place pierced and feels the need to show it off after Eddie is stung by a jelly fish. Use your imagination, I'm not going to paint this icky picture for you, the image is traumatizing to say the least.
The Ending
Well, Eddie spends a few weeks in Mexico trying to get over losing Miranda. Yeah, it turns out that Miranda is not that keen on a guy who pretends he's a widower whose wife was killed by an ice pick, but they caught the guy, and fools around with a woman who's not his wife on his honeymoon. Finally, Manuel, the beach bum, convinces him to return to the States to find Miranda and give her the speech he's been rehearsing for weeks to the point of driving him crazy. Unfortunately, over Eddie's father's strenuous objections, he drives Eddie to Mississippi to find Miranda. Turns out, she's just jumped the baseball bat with the guy she dumped just before going to Mexico for Beryl's and Boo's—make the Byoo's—wedding vow renewal. Martin threatens Eddie with bodily harm if Eddie goes anywhere near his cousin. But, of course, Eddie doesn't listen and next we see him crawling up along side Miranda's bed (how'd he get in the house?), her new husband soundly asleep beside her. He wakes her and tries to give her his speech looking like a crazy, snaggle-toothed wild man. In the middle, she says, "No, Eddie." And then Martin appears from the shadows and starts beading Eddie with a baseball bat—his first cousin once-removed sense apparently cued him in on the fact that Eddie wouldn't stay away. Beaten and bruised, Eddie leaves with his father. He says, "Check if she's looking, that means I've still got a chance." His dad looks and sees no one. He looks too soon, though because Miranda comes out onto the balcony and follows their exit with her gaze. Next up, Eddie has sold his store in San Francisco, home of Rice-A-Roni® and Ghirardelli® chocolate and started a beach equipment rental place in Cabo with Uncle Tito and Manuel. Oh these zany guys. Tito tries to swindle some tourists out of their money by up-selling them on an over-priced fishing excursion, but Eddie puts the kibosh on that. Then, suddenly, out of the blue up walks Miranda. Oh yes, it's that time again for Byoo and Beryl to renew their vows. As for Miranda, she's divorced and looking for…well…Eddie actually. Eddie is on Cloud 9 just short of Seventh Heaven. Could this be a Kodak® moment and a Disney® ending? It seems like everything is going to turn out well, except that Eddie…well…you know Eddie…he has done the unthinkable and made a new commitment of almost a year to a local girl. She walks up to him looking forlorn, and he says to her that he's got something to say to her later that she's not going to like it at first but she will get used to the idea, and it will be for the best. Arrgghhh! Same old Eddie.
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