Review #679 of 365
Movie Review of College (2008) [R] 94 minutes
WIP™ Scale: $3.25
Where Viewed: United Artists Denver Pavilions Stadium 15, Denver, CO
When Seen: 1 September 2008 @ 7:10 pm
DVD Release Date: Unscheduled (please check back)
After the Credits: Unknown didn't stay, couldn't get out of there fast enough
Soundtrack: Download now from - or - order the CD below
Directed by: Deb Hagan (Pee Shy)
Screenplay by: Dan Callahan (debut) • Adam Ellison (debut)
Featured Cast (Where You Might Remember Him/Her From):
Drake Bell (Superhero Movie) • Andrew Caldwell (Drillbit Taylor) • Kevin Covais ("American Idol") • Ryan Pinkston (Full of It) • Camille Mana (Smart People) • Haley Bennett (Music and Lyrics) • Nathalie Walker (Towelhead ) • Nick Zano ("7th Heaven") • Gary Owen (Little Man) • Zach Cregger ("The Whitest Kids U Know") • Alona Tal ("Cane")
Sure, Drake Bell has some promise. Well, even that little "American Idol" failure, Kevin Covais (affectionately known as Chicken Little for his surprising resemblance to the Disney® Film character of the same name) who, for some reason accepted a role in this utterly moronic film, wasn't that bad either. But, that's where it ends, and I've started falling off the pedestal when it comes to saying something nice about this movie. That's about the extent of the nice stuff anyone could ever have to say about it. I tried really hard to give Superbad the review it deserved—not a good one—in hopes that no one would ever get the idea that movies like it should become a trend. But, unfortunately, my warnings went unheeded leading, apparently, Dan Callahan and Adam Ellison to think writing up, Deb Hagan to agree that directing, and for the cast of some talent and some lesser talents to believe that acting in this drivel was a very good idea. Not sure on what planet let alone continent people would agree that College is a good film. Not wanting to talk about it or travel down this road, but without much choice, let's dissect what little there is of a story. Kevin Brewer (Drake Bell) and his 'best' friends, the completely idiotic Carter Scott played haplessly by Andrew Caldwell (is it too early in his career to call him a hack, because if it's not, well, he's a hack) and the bumbling Morris Hooper (Kevin Covais), using plot devices so extremely overly contrived as to nearly seem not contrived at all, end up going for a weekend trip to a nearby college for the traditional campus weekend visit. Which, by the way, Parents and Guardians out there, is code for getting inducted into what college drinking and partying is all about—not so much on the going to classes and meeting professors etc. sorry to burst your Teflon® coated bubble, and no don't ask me why any parent in his or her right mind drops $5, $7, $9, or all the way up to a sweet $48K per year on their offspring's drinking and partying habits, but that's a whole different movie—maybe that could be Nanette Burstein's next documentary film project after her spectacularly scathing American Teen. Kevin is going to have the weekend of his life after being dumped by his long-term girlfriend, Gina (Alona Tal) who obviously doesn't recognize that Kevin is really the amazing Drake Bell from "Drake and Josh". Carter is going because faux-hawked Fletcher (Ryan Pinkston—the kid from Ashton Kutcher's "Punk'd" is all grown up now) went the weekend before and literally had the "best weekend of his life" which included, according to him, getting lucky three times, and by "lucky" I mean what teenage boys think they are supposed to consider lucky not what your sweet silver-haired senior citizen next door neighbor lady who converts her Social Security check into silver dollars for the slot machines at the gas station near her retirement community in Laughlin, Nevada thinks is "lucky".
…watching the government-mandated blood born pathogen training video is a more enjoyable experience…
The sad thing about College and movies of its genre is that they are one gigantic waste of everything. You want to do your part for the environment? Don't see this movie. Teach these people and director Deb Hagan and the producers and the studios a lesson once and for all, vote with your feet and march into just about any other open theatre door instead. Trust me, you won't be sorry, you aren't missing anything, if this is what the cool kids are seeing it's not by choice it's because they think they're supposed to see it and think it's funny even though I'm willing to go on record as saying that watching the government-mandated blood born pathogen training video is a more enjoyable experience even though is doesn't star the up and coming Drake Bell. Drake, fire your agent. If these are the only movies you can get, Superhero and College, stick to your singing career. You got 99-cents out of me and I didn't even know you could sing! I'll do all I can to advertise you music, buddy! (see Drake Bell's page at Your Celebrity Faves in the News)
The $3.25 rating for this film? $3 is the minimum, it's the 0 stars on the star scale. And there's 25-cents for Drake Bell.
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Other Projects Featuring College (2008)
Cast Members
Drake Bell • Andrew Caldwell • Kevin Covais
Ryan Pinkston • Camille Mana • Haley Bennett
Nathalie Walker • Nick Zano • Gary Owen
Zach Cregger
Director
Deb Hagan
Writers
Dan Callahan • Adam Ellison
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